As 2014 comes to a close, it's important to take this time to reflect and look back on the past year, before moving forward to 2015.
I found this reflection inspiration on Pinterest. Although it's a few years old, I think the content is still relevant and served as an excellent guide on glancing back over the pains, joys, and tribulations of the past year.
10 Highlights
1. Jimmy Buffet Concert
I'm not one for concerts, hell I'm not even particularly fond of Jimmy Buffet. But a family vacation was set to see go see Jimmy in Frisco, Texas. I thought I'd be the only person there not stoned and under the age of 50. I didn't even really want to go... but I'm so glad I did.
This turned out to be one of the funnest experiences I've ever had and I'm so glad I got to spend it with such amazing people.
2. Visiting Knoxville
I had the privilege of going to see one of my besties, her husband and 2 precious babies this November. We didn't do a lot of traditional things that you normally do on vacation and it was surprisingly nice. Sometimes it's not what you're doing-- but who you're doing it with.
3. The Sears/Willis Tower
I got to visit Chicago for the first time ever this year for a work conference. For a small town girl that grew up with 1 stoplight-the enormity and grandeur of Chicago was quite mind boggling. The architecture was beautiful, the history was fascinating, but I will have to say looking down from the Sears (now Willis) Tower was a life changing experience. I even braved the experience of stepping out over the ledge of the skydeck-a glass box hanging off the side of the top of the building. It is quite the psychological undertaking. Pictures can not do the view justice of the amazing industrial feats man has made in just a century. Never have I felt so small or so awed. This view can really change your perspective.
4. New Beginnings
This year was the start of many things anew. I got to welcome a niece and a nephew into the world this year. In July sweet baby Quinn was born followed by precious baby Graham in October. I also got to witness two of my high school best friends exchange vows with the loves of their lives.
5. Friendships-new and renewed
This year I had the privilege of making several new friends-and rekindling relationships with some old ones. I'm not one that believes in coincidences and believe fate stepped in and placed certain people in my life when I needed them the most.
6. Lost weight
At the beginning of the year I made a great effort to get into better shape. With the help of the right thyroid medication, making some healthy food swaps and working out, I was able to loose around 15 pounds. Clothes fit better, I feel better and have more self confidence.
7. Finished post masters certificate
In August I finished a year long course of study in health care administration. I've always been one to like school, but these classes were so interesting that I actually looked forward to having to do my homework. I loved learning about healthcare law, policy, procedures and management. I think I really got to use some of my strengths to complete this certificate.
8. Served as conference coordinator for largest diabetes conference in Texas
As a Capricorn- my life seems to always evolve around work. With a lot of work and a lot of blessings coming together, I was able to serve as the head conference coordinator for what became the largest Diabetes Conference in the state of Texas. Almost 300 medical professionals attended this event. I'm proud to say along with help from a great boss, we were able to analyze, restructure and reinvent the format of what we had been doing-and make it the biggest success ever.
9. Found a new favorite wine
What would my year be if I didn't happen to talk about wine?! I will have to give credit to Amy from Cactus and Vine (local favorite wine bar) for this amazing find. She recommended it to me and it's my new favorite. Underwood's Pinot Noir. It's an excellent wine from the Oregon country that's velvety smooth with a cherry finish. Smoky notes highlight it's subtle, yet powerful flavor: making it my new all time favorite wine for under $15.
10. Putting myself out there
10 Disappointments
Although this year was filled with many great memories and people, 2014 was also a year of great loss and grief, which is perhaps why the first 1/2 of my disappointment list all deals with losses.
1. Lost love
Technically this happened at the end of 2013, but grieving the loss of my grandmother over the past year has been very difficult and quite the struggle. It's been really difficult not being able to hear her voice on the other end of the phone several times a day, or having her all knowing advice. There's been a lot of growing and changes this year, and I only wish she could see my accomplishments and act as a sounding board for the times I'm confused and just want to hear her sweet voice. Maybe I'm a little biased but I think the world lost one of its greatest women the day it lost her.
2. Lost romance
Like I said, I've had a lot of loss this year. It's been made clear to me these losses were for the better and not part of my ultimate life plan, but lost love can still leave you heartbroken and disappointed.
3. Lost friend
Callie is an angel in doggie heaven. I know people may think it's silly to grieve the loss of a pet, but I really miss Callie. Callie was endearingly known as "my best friend". She's been around since I was 12 and served as the silent yet loyalest friend through family struggles, heartbreak and sickness. Always by my side, always on the lookout for me. Callie and her beer drinking antics are dearly missed.
4. Lost dreams
All of the loss has served as a domino effect: one thing falls out of place and everything else seems to fall out of place with it. Having to realign my life vision and search for purpose, for meaning; to change my dreams and ambitions has been a year long challenge.
5. Lost faith
As aforementioned, the domino effect of loss has taken its tole. I'm ashamed to admit this, but my faith has definitely wavered from its normal state. It may not be fully lost, but I'm disappointed in myself for doubting that God is not listening to me. Trials and tribulations are tests of character and faith and I have been doubting rather than listening and overcoming.
6. Not getting a new job
About 3/4 through the year things started changing at my job. I've been applying to new ones and had several great leads. Even an offer if I was willing to move-to the one place I would never live. All of these false hopes have left me disheartened at best. Hopefully 2015 will bring some new prospects.
7. Not sticking with fitness goals
Yes I lost 15 pounds, which was awesome. But afterwards, I did not stick to my fitness goals. I wish I would have been more dedicated and could be in the shape that I want to be in rather than making excuses of being too tired to work out afterwork or that fast-food is so much more hassle-free.
8. Not holding myself to my standards
I am disappointed in myself for not measuring up to my own standards. I have spent too much time and effort letting others opinions and thoughts control my happiness, instead of creating my own.
9. Comparing my life to others
A lot of disappointments in today's world comes from comparison. It's so easy to compare our lives to those around us and base our happiness on what we don't have, rather than being grateful for what we do have. I'm not married, I don't have any children and most of friends do. I live in city I'm not crazy about, doing a job I don't love. It seems every time I check Facebook or Instagram someone else is getting married, having a baby, moving to a new city, traveling the world or getting a promotion.
Why do I spend so much time letting these statuses and titles (or lack there of) define me? You can't compare the beginning of your story to someone else's middle; and we're not seeing the whole story. You get to see the cute babies, however you don't hear about the sleepless nights, spit up stained clothes or screaming teething babies. Letting comparison determine your happiness is stifling.
10. Lollycakes closing
Admittedly this one is a little superficial. But Lollycakes cupcakes were really my favorite dessert. There was no warning of closing down-or I totally would have stocked up on some to hold me over until I find my next fix. You will be missed tiny cupcakes of joy.
3 Games Changers
1. Work
Finding out there was no upward mobility for me at my current job, along with some petty differences has really opened my eyes. You spend at least 40 hours a week at work, the majority of your time and effort goes into this and if you're not doing something you can give 100% to, something that you're passionate about, then it's not worth doing. Life is too short to spend it stressed out and upset over something that your heart isn't into and that's not worth the pay.
2. Loss
All the loss has made me reevaluate so many aspects of my life. What am I doing wrong? Am I being punished? Why I am being pushed and tested? After all... a diamond is just a piece of coal that held up well under pressure. Ultimately loss has taught me not to settle. I've spent so much of my life doing what makes others happy, and settling for things because they were good enough, even if they weren't what my heart truly desired.
3. Falling for someone new
Opening up my heart again after all of the breaking was one of the hardest things I've done. I don't like feelings, I don't like being vulnerable, and I certainly don't like failure. People come in and out of our lives for reasons. Perhaps I have the reason all wrong, but I believe this happened to show me it's okay to love again and it's okay if you fail at it. This also helped me really put into perspective what I do and don't want out of relationship and shaped what I want for my life.
3 Focuses
1. Work
As I mentioned before, my personality type thrives off of doing meaningful work. I made it my goal to make things the best, most efficient I could with the resources I had. And I met those goals, and exceeded them.
2. School
I really put a big focus on school this year. I finished my post master's certificate and dedicated a lot of time and effort to making my work perfect.
3. Travel
I've never got to travel much in my life. This year I MADE time to travel and do things I wanted to do. I visited friends and family near and far. Visited places I've never been, tried new foods and wine.
3 Things I Forgot
1. Blog
My New Year's resolution was to write on my blog at least once a week. I think I managed to do 6 entries this year. I love writing and using that avenue to express myself, my passions, my frustrations; but didn't keep with it.
2. Spirituality
I really put this aspect of my life on the back burner, when in reality during this rough year it should have been the most carefully guarded. Like I said I didn't loose faith, but I doubted and let daily rituals like prayer slip away in times of distress.
3. Myself
As I mentioned before, I've spent most of my life going out of my way to make sure every around me was happy. I've sacrificed my happiness so that others could obtain theirs. I cast my dreams and desires aside to settle. I've let others treat me in ways I would never condone them treating my loved ones and because of it I've became stagnant. I've lost myself in the sense of not making myself a priority.
Reflection
This year has taught me a lot of things. One of the most important is having to learn to put myself first. Thinking a human would have to learn to become selfish is counter intuitive-but I have to learn that I belong to myself, before anyone else.
I've also learned this year that settling is not okay. Perfect is not obtainable but mediocre is just going through the motions at best. Life is about living. And it's a short life. There's not enough time to do things that don't make you completely, utterly happy.
I've always had what I thought was a good relationship with God. However, when my life started falling apart around me I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. Someone that loves me that much and yet would let me go through so much pain alone, made me jaded. I still believed in God, but became distant from him. My broken heart needs Him now more than ever to mend, and I hope in the coming months I can make that aspect of my life a priority.
Making things happen for myself is another thing I plan to do in 2015. I feel as if I've wasted so much time waiting... waiting for things to change, instead of actively trying to make them change.
This has been a year of loss. A year of growth. A year of change and realignment. 2014 has not been my favorite year, and perhaps it has been the most challenging one I've faced yet.
I can only hope next year pieces will start to fall back into place, and my cloudy view will become more clear.
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